Tamales at Panaderia Dona Blanca in Bogota

I love tamales. Always have. So when Ben suggested stopping for one in El Centro, I readily agreed.

Panaderia Dona Blanca advertises deliciosos tamales, and truer words were never spoken…er, well, written, as it were.

This thing cost less than $2. It came bundled in banana leaves and tied at the top, unlike any tamale I’d ever seen. Apparently I’ve been doing it wrong. The layers of banana leaves ensured that no moisture escapes. The owner told us that it includes only chicken, corn meal, carrots, corn, and egg. It’s hard to believe that those ingredients can result in much flavor, but they did.

This thing was unbelievably moist, and the chicken was exceptionally tender. Best of all, they gave us some really hot Pico de Gallo that was the freshest and hottest, and consequently the best, that I’ve ever had.

Irrespective of price, this tamale was one of the best things I’ve ever tasted. Considering price, it’s also an amazing value. It might be worth stopping in Bogota just to have one.

First Casualties of the Trip

The Patagonia low-top hiking boots are out. They’re hot, heavy, and uncomfortable.They lost they’re starting roster spot to a pair of Converse Chuck Taylor All-Star Hi-tops, which are cool, light, and comfortable.

The Patagonia webbed belt is out too (a bad day for Patagonia), though through no fault of its own. It was replaced by a leather belt with this Sex Pistols belt buckle. And thus the subtitle has been changed from “Around the World in One Pair of Pants” to “Around the World in One Pair of Pants that are Held Up by a Sex Pistols Belt Buckle”

Montserrat Tramway and Funicular

Montserrat is the highest of the mountains ringing Bogota, and easily accessible by aerial tramway and/or funicular after a short walk from El Centro.

Both the tramway and the funicular ride are worth the low cost of admission alone, as are the commanding views of the city from the top. There’s also a lovely cathedral at the top, which is worth a look. There are two restaurants, one French and one Colombian, both nice and well-reviewed but, in our judgment, not worth the cost.

A word of caution, the lines at the bottom can get really long, so be prepared (i.e. pack cocktails). The tramway is the steepest I’ve seen, with the incline peaking at over 70 degrees in my estimation. The funicular is fun too, mainly because of a long tunnel cut through the mountainside. The only downside is the incredibly tacky version of Christmas lights that are all too common around here. These look like something Jerry Jones designed.

Oh yeah, and we saw a burning car on the bus ride over.

Ajiyaco and Cuzuelas de Frijoles at Antigua Santa Fe in Bogota

Antigua Sante Fe claims the best Ajiyaco in the world.

It’s a soup with shredded chicken, potatoes, a half-ear of corn,  with a drizzle of heavy cream, and is a specialty of Bogota. Rice and avocado are served on the side, as is the hot sauce, available by request.

Cuzuelas de Frijoles is pinto bean soup with pig feet.

Both were served lukewarm, and that may even be generous. The avocado and hot sauce were the highlights. Without them, it was completely flavorless. It wasn’t the worst meal I’ve ever had by a long shot, but the gap between expectations and reality was among the biggest ever.

The Cuzuelas de Frijoles was even worse, but, as cold bean soups go, I suppose it wasn’t bad.

Homemade Christmas Sunday Roast

I meant to post this last week, but forgot. We had this for Christmas Eve dinner, and while it wasn’t The Pantechnicon, but it served it’s purpose.

Rare Roast Beef

Round Roast (I used Eye of Round) or Sirloin Tips, ½ lb per serving.

Do not marinate the meet, and certainly don’t salt it. The former won’t help, and the latter will ruin it.

Preheat the over to 500 degrees. (Note that this recipe doesn’t work with double ovens).

Rub the meet with garlic powder and/or onion powder, white pepper, black pepper, and thyme or any other herb sung about by Paul Simon and/or Art Garfunkel. I also added marjoram and loose english breakfast tea, both of which are optional.

Slice a medium to large sweet onion, and lay a handful of slices along the bottom of a shallow glass or metal baking dish, just so the entire roast doesn’t lie flat against the baking dish. Lay the balance of the onions on top of or alongside the meat.

Cook at 500 degrees, 5 minutes per pound. When the timer goes off, turn off the oven, and let the meat remain in the oven for 1 hour. Do not open the door—if you do, the meat will turn out inedibly underdone.

Remove the meat promptly after 1 hour, and let sit 10 minutes before slicing and serving. It should be perfectly rare, but one word of caution–slice it on a slicing board, then serve it on something else. Salt after slicing, or, better yet let everyone salt their own.

Gravy

As soon as you move the meat from the baking dish to the slicing board, pour the beef drippings and onions into a pan. Mix in butter and a little bit of milk, heat over medium heat. Once it’s nicely blended together, add flour as needed to thicken.

Sides

Presumably you don’t need to be told how to make vegetables. The trick here is making things that don’t require the oven, because you can’t open the door. I made glazed carrots and peas with pearl onions and cream sauce, all of which can be done on the stovetop, along with some mashed potatoes that we’d made in advance, and a green salad.

Bogota, Colombia

I arrived late last night in Bogota, a bustling megalopolis of about 8 million people. The city sits at 8,600 feet, or Denver plus another half-mile. For aviation buffs, yes, they actually have to depressurize the cabin to land because the airport is higher than the effective altitude of the cabin pressure. I’m joined, at least initially, by Ben Levy and Brent Marlis, an explosive combination. The city is essentially an endless collection of tributes and memorials to Bolivar, but then so is pretty much all of South America. Otherwise, it’s primarily remarkable for having more police dogs than one could imagine. Oh yeah, and Ben met a toothless Colombian Kenny Powers.

 

Tomorrow we head east, or north, or northeast, will figure that out at the bus station in the morning.

My Retirement

As of now (5pm EST), I’m officially retired. I’m leaving my square job and going traveling. Half the people in this country don’t work, God love ’em, and as of today, neither do I.

Flip and Fuck

Late-Breaking

Arlington, VA: [Apologies to our younger readers] Reliable sources indicate that the household of Nick Mageras and Craig Korpiel is making preparations to unceremoniously discard Nick’s futon (known colloquially as “The Flip and Fuck”, despite the latter act having never actually occurred in any proximity to the futon). Surely readers everywhere will recognize this dastardly treachery and stand together in opposition.

Ode to Flip & Fuck

Convertible, comfortable, virtues plenty
In loyal service since we were twenty
After a night of running amok
Thank you, Lord, for the Flip and Fuck

Blacked out, banged up, in need of a bed?
Look no further to lay your head
If it’s comfort you need, then with any luck
You’ll spend the night on the Flip and Fuck

On permanent watch awaiting the call
Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall
Never a question of coming unstuck
Courage take, from Flip and Fuck

Yet we take, never give, after years of hard use
How must it feel, to take this abuse?
And then we see, surprised, awe-struck
We hardly knew ye, Flip and Fuck