The 3-Meat Whopper

From the Philippines, I head to Indonesia. It’s the world’s largest Muslim country, and, consequently, pork isn’t widely available. (I have my issues with some of the things done in the name of Islam, to be sure, but the whole swine prohibition is simply unacceptable.) The Philippines, on the other hand, is the Mecca of swine, er, or something. So I thought it best to make hay while the sun shines, if you will. This eating binge started with Pork Cordon Bleu (2 kinds of swine) and finished with the 3-meat Whopper (2 more kinds of swine).

The 3-meat Whopper is uncomplicated. It’s simply a Whopper, plus bacon, plus pepperoni, of all things. It wasn’t great by any stretch, but was surprisingly not bad–believe it or not, the spiciness of the pepperoni blends in pretty well. It and the bacon help to cover up the liquid smoke flavor that otherwise characterizes Burger King hamburgers. It served it’s purpose–going pork-free for a couple of weeks no longer seems so impossible.

Dual Outrigger Boats and Misplaced Pride

The Tao Philippines guys have spent over 2 years and a small fortune on building an “authentic” dual-outrigger boat, pictured below. They’ve gone to great lengths to document and employ original materials and construction methods, and so have done anthropology a great service. The boat features intricate carvings done by master swordsmiths (I suspect that isn’t a word, but it ought to be) that make the entire vessel a work of art. National Geographic has done small stories on the construction, and may be planning a larger feature in the future. Kon Tiki it ain’t, but still very impressive.

(If you aren’t interested in my musings on naval engineering, best stop here.)

There is great national pride among the seafaring community here that modern boats here still employ a similar design, but with modern methods and materials. True enough. They’re described as the perfect vessel for navigating the shallow and reef- and wreck-strewn waters of the Philippines. Less true. And they were described to us by our guide as follows; “These boats never sink, except when they turnover.” Not quite true, but certainly very revealing.

The dual outrigger design is well-suited to these waters–they have exceptional roll stability and shallow draft. But there’s a fatal design flaw that limits, or should limit, them to only calm waters. That is to say they work well battling surf, but storms become deadly. In fact, the very boat that we were on was capsized in a tropical storm while anchored, killing a sleeping crewman–this was it’s first voyage since renovation. While it’s true that these boats rarely sink except when they turnover, they turnover rather frequently. The problem is that the outriggers exert maximum anti-roll force when in the neutral position. As soon as the boat begins to roll, it’s passive ability to counter the roll begins to fade. (Specifically, as the “down” outrigger is forced into the water the buoyancy forcing it up remains constant* with depth. Similarly, as the “up” outrigger is forced out of the water, the downward pull of gravity, i.e. the weight of the outrigger, remains constant. But both of those forces operate perpendicular to the Earth’s surface**. The boat is no longer perpendicular to the Earth’s surface, so the portion of those forces that effectively act perpendicular to the boat, in the direction to counter the roll, are a fraction of what they were when the boat was flat on the surface.) At some point (less than 90 degrees given a center of gravity above the waterline), the same outriggers that previously countered the roll now guarantee the roll. This is a boat that’s happiest upside down.

This is a perfect example of fail-danger design, as opposed to fail-safe. In other words, once things start to fail, the ability to recover is diminished. That isn’t to say the outrigger is a worthless design. It had it’s purpose, and lots of boats are happiest upside down. The real problem is that the outrigger is dominated by the catamaran, and the dual outrigger by the trimaran. For a given tonnage, the -maran draws less water, has even more exceptional anti-roll stability, and is more efficient through the water.

For the local shipbuilding industry of yore not to have discovered improved designs is unimpressive. To still not have employed improved designs is unthinking. To be proud of both is stupid.

*Not exactly true. Buoyancy is the difference in pressure at the top and bottom of an object. Water isn’t exactly incompressible, but is effectively so. In reality, buoyancy increases with depth, but by a negligible amount.

**Alternatively, the effective torque arm acting on the boat is reduced in length. The outrigger remains the same distance from the boat, but the distance between the boat and a line drawn from the outrigger to the center of the earth, along which the anti-roll forces act, is now shorter. The math is equivalent either way.

Tao Philippines

At the Gibbon Experience, I learned of a company called Tao Philippines. The operate in Palawan, the westernmost island province in the Philippines. It turns out that they and the Gibbon Experience are constantly trading the top ranking in various surveys of the best of SE Asia.

They run 5 day/4 night boat trips between Coron and El Nido, two small towns in Palawan. This is really island paradise. Every night is spent on a different island, in some form of beachside cabaña. There are often nearby villages, and friendly locals. The whole thing is pretty free-form–there’s snorkeling, kayaking, fishing, but it’s really up to you. There are beautiful sunrises and sunsets everyday, and the food is incredible.

Our first night was a pig roast, to celebrate the completion of a new boat they’ve been working on for years. (More on that later).

On subsequent days, every meal is some form of very, very fresh seafood, typically bought from local fisherman–snapper, grouper, squid, octopus, and more. I wouldn’t rank any of it the best I’ve ever had, but all of it was in the running. The crew and staff are friendly, mostly gay, and mostly lunatics. They’re all a great deal of fun, and spontaneously break into song about, oh, fifty times a day.

The other tourists in my group were fantastic, 17 people from various places. I would describe them but I haven’t the energy to describe 17 people, and none stand hand and shoulders above the others. We were told that we were the best group they’ve ever had, and that they don’t say that to everybody. (Obviously they say that to everybody.)

A video below shows a bit of the snorkeling, though the low-performance of the camera doesn’t do it justice.

Island Hopping* in the Philippines

After Cebu, it’s a ferry to Bohol for a couple of days. After the return ferry to Cebu, a short flight takes you to Donsol in southern Luzon. From there it’s to Palawan, the westernmost island in the Philippines.

Bohol is known for the Chocolate Hills and as the home of the tarsien, the world’s smallest primate. The Hills aren’t the most exciting thing on the planet, and the hermitic tarsien is no sloth when it comes to adorability. (That, and it’s actually the world’s second smallest primate). I found the place overrun with divers (the worst type of tourists**).

Donsol, on the other hand, may be the most tranquil place on the planet. Days here are occupied by swimming with giant whale sharks (it’s primary claim to fame), lounging, and cockfights. I found the latter two activities so thoroughly enjoyable that I neglected the former altogether. And, as it turns out, I have something of a knack for gambling on cockfights. This is the first (and almost certainly the last) part of the trip in which I made money.

The sunrises and -sets from my bungalow were among the best of my life.

There was a restaurant next door that sold only fresh fish. Literally, the would bring a bucket of ice with the dozen or so fish they bought at the market, and you’d point at the one you wanted–that is to say, my perfect restaurant.

*Island hopping is the term used by tour operators here to mean visiting multiple adjacent local islands in a single day. The term, of course, originated in World War II to describe MacArthur’s strategy of bypassing enemy strongholds of relative strategic insignificance, i.e. certainly not adjacent islands. I deploy the term here in the original sense.

**While I’m on the subject of language, tourists who fancy themselves modern-day conquistadors insist on the term “travelers” as opposed to “tourists”. They use tourists to refer pejoratively to patrons of all-inclusive resorts. Unless backpacking requires some sort of courage that I’m entire lacking and have simply gotten along thus far without, the distinction is a matter of taste, not of legitimacy. And unless you’re an Irish gypsy, you are not a traveler, you are a simple tourist.

 

 

McDonald’s Philippines: The McDo

McDonald’s in the Philippines offers something called the McDo. (that’s a long o, not a long u). I’ve been a little disappointed recently, because I expect McDonald’s to have stranger offerings. I don’t know what the name means, but it costs about 65 cents. It’s the most minimalistic of any McDonald’s sandwich, consisting, in it’s entirety, of a hamburger patty, bun, and McDo sauce. The McDo sauce is the sauce from the Big ‘n Tasty–it’s sort of similar to Big Mac sauce (essentially Thousand Island/Russian dressing–ketchup, mayo, relish), except I think there’s a hint of onion in lieu of pickle relish. The hint of onion makes it almost more like a White Castle burger than a McDonald’s burger–which is to say, it’s still delicious.

They also offer McSpaghetti here, which I’ve not yes had a chance to try, so standby for that one.

That’s a Good-Looking Cock!

And huge, too.

My Grandfather’s Grave

My paternal grandfather is interred in Manila American Cemetery. He died in the Pacific in February of 1945, and my dad was born in May, so there was no overlap.

My family has never been much for dramatics, particularly as it relates to death. My grandmother remarried soon thereafter, and her second husband was by all accounts a good man and a good dad. My dad grew up with two step-sisters and one half-brother, but they’ve always been full siblings as far as the family was concerned, which is as it should be. (I’m not sure that people outside of the family even know they aren’t full blood siblings).

Nonetheless, I’m somewhat drawn to the gravesite, primarily because I don’t think anyone has yet visited. And honestly, more for my grandmother’s sake than for my dad’s. He had a good step-father and a functional, loving, nuclear family–and he never knew anything different. But my grandma lost her high school sweetheart and first love, and even though she found another great man, that’s still hard to come back from. (For the record, she did a phenomenal job of coming back from it, and would gently think all of my carrying on a bit silly.)

The American Battle Monuments Commission, who maintains overseas US military cemeteries, does an incredible job. I lived near Arlington National Cemetery for years, and can honestly say that Manila American Cemetery is better-tended.

It was stormy for most of the day (which perhaps is fitting)…

…but the sun broke through by early afternoon (which perhaps is also fitting).

“Let us here highly resolve that the cause for which they died shall live.”